"I write today with a heavy heart and blurred vision as I sit here - i posted last week about my golden boy BEar. we had to put him down last night. the vet came here to the house and it was so so sad that my heart is actually aching and hurting physically right now. i have been through so much in my life time - i have four kids that are grown now and two dogs. I love my other two dogs but it's not the same as the special bond I had with bear. why i have felt such a strong connection with my golden boy is something i don't understand and can't even explain in words but he is, and always will be a part of my soul and my being forever in my heart.
in the end i chose not to go through with the splenectomy - i simply didn't want to put him through it.
he had two bleeds since nov. - when he started not feeling well again on friday i knew - he got prgressivly worse over the weekend and his stomache was full with so much blood - he spent sunday sleeping all day and barely able to move only to get up once to go pee and that was even a chore for him. i slept on the floor with him sunday night and told him how much i love him - he was so cold to the touch but he licked my hand.
he's gone now and i feel a hole in my heart - i know i will see him again someday. he was baby my sweet sweet boy, my guardian angel.
i have broken out the photos albums and as hard as it is to look at the photos i realize that he was always there by my side - always in the background of the photographs - he was always there like he was my shadow.
I looked at your photo of sweet Ethel - she looks so much like my bear - i will try and post a photo of bear if i can figure out how to. I have to go now - i'm not sure where i go from here - things will never be the same."

"Does anyone know how to stop the hurting? On Thursday (Feb 28th) I put my 12 year old Bailey to sleep. The Vet thinks it was Blood Cancer. Last May her leg was swollen up. They thought it was a tumor and tried to operate on it. But when they opened it up there was only blood in the area so they removed the fluid and hoped it was just a bruise. Then it came back - they tested the area twice but both tests came back undetermined. Even without the firm conclusion they strongly feel it was a Vascular Cancer. They gave her a few months. Fortunately, she made it to Feb. But a few weeks ago her leg got 3 times larger than the other front leg and got an open wound on it. She would lick it all the time. She stopped being able to easy walk up and down the stairs. But never messed in the house. She hated making having accidents. I could tell her energy wasn't the same. After so hours of thoughts and conversations we made an appointment to put her to sleep at home. But now I am so heartbroken I just don't know how to go on. She was my first baby. She was with me during some of the darkest hours of my life (miscarriage, divorce) and my greatest joys (remarriage, birth of my children) I can't seem to go forward without her. She was so incredible. Only Golden Retriever owners know how special they are. Bailey's eyes always made me smile. She was the class clown and now I don't want to come home. I was driving home the other day and thought maybe if I don't go home she'll be there. I want to know she is OK. I keep looking for signs that she is still around - - trying to have the faith that she is with us. Does she think I did the right thing and appreciate it. I was her mother and did I take care of her? Does anyone have any suggestions on dealing with the grief?"